Rap Music for People who Hate Rap Music

Posted by: The Adjunct of Funk on July 26, 2010

“Harrumph!” you shout from your ivory tower of elitism, built on foundations of diamond-encrusted scoffs and platinum-coated eyerolls. “What’s all this about ‘Rap’ so-called ‘Music?’ In my day, people played tender ballads on guitars and panflutes while staring at the floor, terrified of being thought ‘subversive’ or ‘original!’ Musicians would cry themselves to sleep, ashamed of the poor choices that led them to their embarrassing ‘careers,’ and they liked it, too!”

Back off, grandpa! You know this ain’t your everyday, run-of-the-mill rap! Here at Rap U, we’re providing a service — We’re the intermediaries between spending the Winter of your life watching and re-watching your Lawrence Welk Betamax tapes and, oh, blasting Mos Def as you ride through your nursing home, rims a-spinning on your Rascal scooter.

But hey. We understand. Maybe with all this “rap music,” we’re alienating a key market: People who don’t like rap music. So, as part of the weekly teaser track parade leading up to the release of “The Professor of Rap’s Dance Revolution,” we’re giving you something special: A non-rap track.

It’s called Flaherty McDougal/McDougal Flaherty, and it’s absolutely fantastic. And, as always, it’s free to download.

We’re so good to you.

It’s ok. Really. Stop crying. Please.

Uh… Ok. Here’s a tissue. Yeah… Ok, you can sit over there, I guess. Should I call you a cab? Um…

I sort of think you should go home. Now. Uh, yeah… You can sleep for a while, if you really have to. I’ll… I’ll just be outside. Reading a book, or something. Yeah…

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