An Original Holiday Poem and a New Track — Merry Rapmas, Everyone!

‘Twas the night before Rapmas, and all through the crib, Not a weapon was firing, not even a squib. The do-rags were hung by the chimney with style, In hopes that Saint Hovaclaus would be there in a while. The homies were sleeping all chill in their beds, While visions of Beyonce danced in their […]


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I Hate You, James Franco.

You know who really grinds my gears? This James Franco kid. He thinks he’s all special with his degrees and his fame and his critically-acclaimed performances and his hair… I don’t like him very much! I wish he would just go away. He’s making it difficult for us non-critically-acclaimed guys. I feel like I need […]


Dear Sir Madam, I am Mr.ADjunct ofFunk. I have the incidental courage of offering you most excellent reward for your recent exposition to the cause of PRofessor Rap. Please emigrate your internet to the nearest band-camp in regrets of purchasing without cost to you or your family (whomever I am foretold are most beautiful in […]

You will enjoy this if you are from NY or if you are not from NY.

Hey there, kiddies! The Professor of Rap’s got a brand new track for you to rub against your earlobes! It’s called A Season in Hell and it’s really funny! It’s about a cute little dog who is taking a nap, and then a precious kitten comes over and starts nuzzling his paws, and then the […]

Please Remove Your Children From The Computer.

Oh, hey there! Long time, no see. Yeah, I missed you, too. Oh, I’m fine. How have you been? Oh yeah? Yeah? Wow, that’s really interest– Uh huh. Yeah, well– Um, look, hold on– Wow, that’s terrible. I hope they find the giraffe… Yeah. Um, look– Look. I didn’t ask for your whole life story. […]

Rap U: We Like Songs with Animals.

Here it is. The track you’ve all been waiting for. I’ll skip the usual blather and get right to the good stuff. The latest track in the weekly release parade leading up to “The Professor of Rap’s Dance Revolution” is… Do the Moose. Today happens to be the 2nd anniversary of the revival of Moose […]

Today on Rap U: A Song About a Cat.

The Professor sent me this song. I don’t think it’s rap. I’m also fairly certain that he’s not the person singing. In fact, I don’t think The Professor had anything to do with this track at all. Maybe he stole it from someone. Maybe it’s a B-Side to “Puff the Magic Dragon.” I don’t “get” […]

Rap Music for People who Hate Rap Music

“Harrumph!” you shout from your ivory tower of elitism, built on foundations of diamond-encrusted scoffs and platinum-coated eyerolls. “What’s all this about ‘Rap’ so-called ‘Music?’ In my day, people played tender ballads on guitars and panflutes while staring at the floor, terrified of being thought ‘subversive’ or ‘original!’ Musicians would cry themselves to sleep, ashamed […]


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New Music: “L’├ęcole des DJs” – FREE to Download!

Summer vacation? Not at Rap U. The Professor and his colleagues have been hard at work churning out tracks for the upcoming album “The Professor of Rap’s Dance Revolution.” The album won’t be available till the end of Summer (?), but on every Monday between now and its release, we’ll be dropping FREE teaser tracks […]

New Music: “bootleg album” – FREE to Download!

The latest “profesor or rap” album is now FREE to download on Bandcamp! Click to go to Bandcamp. The album is available as a free digital download, or you can buy a physical copy, the Limited Edition Handmade Bootleg Album, for only $50 — Shipped right to your door! There is a limited run of […]